Sonship. Kingship. Worth & Integrity.

I was taken by the dark night, alone with the house, the warm wind - how unusual. So I jumped on the trampoline into the night sky. I was lifted in the warmth, the breeze that spoke and whispered and I laughed. I was impressed by the noise of the trees, the loud susurrus; I used to hear it as harsh and scary, which it was for a moment, but I changed it - rather let it be changed. I lay down on the cold tramp and the holy spirit in ghost white overlayed me head to foot, rested upon me as a sheet - and I was impregnated, planted with a holy seed. I know I've seen this image before. Oh, Genesis. The Spirit hovered over the face of the deep. Found me. And it was time to bring forth. I prayed that I would either be loosed from the confines of this body or be able to share it. I cannot stand the shell it is - the way touch doesn't infiltrate or satisfy. That he's the only thing that satisfies: You're the only one.
Then I couldn't jump anymore, but spoke with my father and ran indoors.
I began pacing, knowing there was a push, a work, a presence. I prayed to him: Father I know you're here to produce. I've carried and warred and grown and here's the time. You know the time father, but I feel so unworthy. But I know you won't give me anything I can't handle. (I knew I could either grab the presentation, the offering, or deny it until later. always later...) I don't know what's here, but I know I've integrity, you made me and brought me here and here is good. So, knowing your character I say yes, God, I say yes.
And then I paused, and froze. and the dam broke within me and I was crushed from within and without by the contraction of every muscle and all of everything - pushing and pulling and moving forth, a flush of Water and Life that ripped through me in a torrent of power. I was on my face and tongues poured out of me until I had to turn onto my back.
I was facing my father in heaven and he wrote across my neck - shoulder to shoulder - words imbedded within each other: faithfulness, integrity, worthy. And the eyes of angels, 4 pairs were beneath him. And I prayed that I don't need the eyes of men any longer, but for Him, His eyes alone; that I would bear witness to the angels.
That I would be assigned an angel, a partner.
I saw myself as the second of four.
I saw my hands produce gold powder, stars - faith.
He stamped me remodeled, and all I could do was believe him. I asked how I could walk in that, free of the old casting. and He showed me. I grabbed the old covering from the floor, the old skin, and went to the door to throw it into the night where the wind caught it and carried it away.

There is a way that I am become.

of all the stars
in that heaven
the one shines most
shines bright and even.
fervent hot
unglaring,
it boils and burns
providing deepest nights with even more brilliant light.
When do I stand out but in darker depths?
The effervescent family of Truth
exudes the day,
that revels in undending glow,
lightheart bounty flowing freely
pure white set to give life
and that more abundantly for growth-
the unveiling of shame as a falsity
only my eyes now see
the world - its fruit - in fulness
as I stand in wonder.

What are you doing? has been the line lately.
More recently it's been 'Singularity of mind', that in purpose, set and founded in direction forth. Yesterday I floundered and wept and it felt like scraping nails upon my skin, made worse by the beauty of the day. My very freedom was washing through the trees and bringing me newness from everywhere.
So today I am free. The lie has been that I am unaware or too aware, that I take everything for granted and appreciate no thing. But I have been made to drove, to follow forward with purpose and direction, delivering a payload (myself) to a destination I'll keep reaching (eternity). How does one step into eternity? It's obviously not a place you can get to, but rather it's something you slip into, or on like a robe. Mantle? The EAC, eh? Jump in whenever you like and you'll be carried.

i am a whore i do confess
i put you on just like a wedding dress
and i run down the aisle
run down the aisle
a prodigal with no way home
i put you on just like a ring of gold
and i run down the aisle
run down the aisle

my heartshorn nickels
don't buy what they used to
tho they're not worth less.
values have widened
like bottoms
to consume whatever chair seems
most likely rest.
we are becoming like giants of old,
the ones they feared,
who lived in the land of plenty
and were fearsome because of it.