Who I was Made

I was ________ but God made me whole.

What fits there for you? Anything you thought of yourself - every good, terrible, weak, sincere noun or adjective; every successful, lame, or incredible verb you did; every thoughtcrime against the Father that brought you down or filled you up is Nothing compared to the identity you have in Him.

I was faulty and proud but God made me whole.

See them and put them off, because yesterday is gone. Your successes and failures, accomplishments and torments, your debts and your sins are all forgotten by God. You are just loved, and that's everything.

I was scared and slow to act but God made me whole.

All my works and brownie points are nothing. I might remember them, but that's all they are. I can't say anything for certain about tomorrow or even tonight except 'Lord willing...', so all I hold is right now. I can no longer put off the right time, the right hour or day to do this thing that is in me and at hand. There's a time for everything, and this moment is meant to be at peace in God, finding out His heart. Then my doings aren't my everything, important as the world and gone in a flash.




face me
turn to the light
be uplifted
and come up here.
free heart
you're loved
i've got you
be still.

Letters for Edification II

Excerpts from email of Sept. '10

We talked about each man's walk with God turning to 'bad' things, the unprofitable and wasteful. How from their very formation it would take 'this, this, and this' for them to realize that God is True. Like a class, or a process: first we'll study foundation, then walls, then roof. This, then this, then this, and there's the house. Listen the first time (or the second or third) so you don't need to lay again the foundation of Grace.

I spent yesterday in this weird place where I was super tall, with a vision that encompassed all that God has given me, moving in stewardship over the world God created for me. I saw myself walking up to people and saying 'welcome to my world' in love, finding things upset or off-kilter and saying 'Oh, this is righted because I am steward here - be healed. Tree, be reformed. Mountain be cast into the sea.' This isn't far off. It's in that place, that eternity, that we just slip into when we move behind the veil. I see it just to my left, shift aside the curtains and sidestep into...right where I am. PLACEMENT POWER WIND UNDERSTANDING ORDER VISION HEARING COMING ALONGSIDE WHERE THE FLESH DOESN'T RULE AND BEING FORGIVEN IS THE SOLE OF MY FEET BECAUSE MY HEAD IS UPRAISED AND GOD IS THE GLORY FOREVER AND EVER. I say it's not far off because the disparity between my understanding of the location of eternity and my perception of when I'll understand it is but a small thing.
I see more and more all things on something like a fortune cookie fortune:

[    eternity/time    ]

they're so close together and so far apart - but God is the wrinkle in time that translates me from one to the other in a shffp! that I only recognize after it happens though my heart bears witness to its approach.

It was prophesied over me that I'll be so in-tune with God that everything I desire will be given me; which is purely natural, man. So organic. That's just the way it is. Of course hitting a certain frequency will make the birds flock to you; it's a matter of course that finding who I am and what I was made to be will illuminate everyspark in this heart with a clarity for pursuit of God's government; why but yes! to everything my God has proffered.

Clearly, here is a man of faith.

So you, being unremoved and holy, bear witness to the Light of the World, the one who shines and does not disdain but loves in faith, and fear Him by reverence this Most Holy God. With trembling, for we understand his power, we submit all things to the one who has made us and in truth we ride aloft, a scented wind carrying us to the ends of our very being; he brings us to that place where we find our insubstantial edges and there we feel the frayed ends of lies and little-t truths; then we dive beyond, willing, obedient, with Joy and Expectation.

Mr. Bombastic

I picture a wall of water, as thick as your thumb, that you walk freely through. It shimmers, and when your face breaks the barrier you open your eyes and breathe in new life you've never known (like crossing through the Stargate). This is Christ: a removal from all things that have been and entry into an entirely liberating plane. I cross this barrier three times a second, and I am only ever new. I am not conscious of the things that have made me myself up to this point, but focused on God and his will, so directed forward. It's not a mindset or a state of mind, it's a propulsion and instinct where faith toward God is breathing and Every thing is fresh and new. At this point it's ceased being about me and my hangups, or even my growth, because  *inhale*  Christ - the measuring of the depth of my redemption in God.
I'm reimagined six times a second.
I'm revolutionized nine times a second.
And God is constant.

Purging Fire, Burning Pyre

The reason and purpose for this baptism (fire) is to give the power of this pursuit from the zeal and passion of G-d for His house to purge continuously, purify eternally, and be expectant perpetually. It will surely divide rightly with clarity with what fire we are of, for the day will manifest it.  

[[The baptism into fire enables (gives power to) this pursuit (power traded from God’s stock of Zeal and Passion) for us to Purge Continually, Purify Eternally, and Expect Perpetually. It divides rightly and clearly what fire we are of, because the light manifests it]]

We do burn, but with what fire? 

Ischus is the wind for the flame, dunamis is the the ignition. I've received this baptism [to whelm, to cover wholly with fluid] unto fire - the purifying flame; strengthening, powerful, inducing.

Losing myself to the fire doesn't make me any less holy or without God - it makes plain where the Lord is winnowing my flesh. The smoking furnace and burning lamp are a testimony of His faithful pursuit. My temple's been a mess, but he erects a pyre and burns up the junk so there won't be any more money changers in this temple.  

Burn up my idols! 

I was convinced today that I couldn't be faithful - that I must put off those I've known as 'faithful' and be off, lose myself or die. Quick, that. Rather than leave it at this, I look at the rationale that led me to this conclusion: What so moved me that this sovereign King, Son of God, would abdicate his throne and take his own life? 

It was all how I saw; how I did the job, how I relate to those I'm with, how I can earn my place in God. I was lied to, quiet while a snake whispered in my ear. Be active, Man! Zakar! Remember who you are! Stand on the Word, Jesus, and be affirmed. It's never a matter of circumstance; it's a matter of position in relation to the light: are you looking to the light or gazing on your shadow?

I

m just 

here

to watch the fireworks.

I watched my shadow today, when, immediately and without my knowledge, I was talking to God about it.  I was crying out to him that I couldn't complete what I was trying to do - it was brought on by the works of my hands, painting, but the issue was tied to my heart. I saw the pain of my association in an entirely different light, and praised God for being faithful. I moved from the outer court to the inner, and back again, smoothly. A first, I think. 

And all of this, the thoughts, emotions, ties, perceptions, reactions, rejections, false images, all the stuff that makes me a man and a sinner are nothing to God in light of Christ. Because I receive him and the measuring of the depth of my redemption, my heart is turned, uprooted, washed, planted and tended, harvested, separated, burned, made clean. The pure was always there, is always here, but it's the fire that destroys the stuff that can't stand up to the Word. There is more to me than there used to be because I bear witness to active display of God's recreation in me. Ha! He's re-created me, and recreates here too. He likes fireworks, so increasingly, I let his fire work. He's always known his work was Love for me, I just couldn't see it. 

A vessel of light

of honor dishonor

of pain patience and practice

of glory and fruition

judgment and fluidity

of friction and purification

an open demonstration of 

power. 

I am measured and 

not found wanting. 

little lies grab my attention

I give it (to) a-way,

a different way,

my choice.

Until I step into 

the Great Fire of the Lord

where everything around me burns

and I cry out to the Strong One

who reminds me he's with me

and that what I've been hoping in

was dead and dry-

perfect fuel for fire.

His water rushes over me

reviving my lips and eyes

and I see him and speak him

and he's everywhere

and everyone

and I move through the garden again

Thank God for pressure and high heat that shows us what burns and what we're made of.