Definition; Empowerment

The power is yours

honour and glory

and power

and power

and highlights

and starts

and tributaries

and strength through

weathery storms

and      

    the seed –

the conception –

you could carry on

in the midst of adversity –

Could even win.

You press a cool stone against my

forehead with your palm and say shh,

your fingers resting lightly in my hair,

your eyes closed.

Praying, maybe.

You gave me that stone, and whatever

was written on it, I never saw,

became part of me. I carry it everywhere.

I've been spirit lately - a three-day image of a hollow me, all colorfully pixellated edges, fading from this plane. It takes me from myself and allows me to stand up straight and be light. I remember this physicality is not everything, the end, or anything for that matter, so I walk about blessed because I'm in Him. It started with a paragraph I wrote a friend:

Jars of clay has a song called ‘Boys’ which is amazing. Their whole ‘The Long Fall Back to Earth’ album is very good. One of the lines in Boys is ‘not to undermine the consequence, but you are not what you do.’ You are a product of God’s faith, made by Him, for Him, like Him, and so Him. There’s no distance between you and him, between me and him, between you and I, because the spirit is IN us. We are IN GOD, so GOD. I am Creative because he is creative; I am able to do miracles because the world has no hold on me; I am strong because He is strong; I can love because I am loved; I AM IN LOVE. As long as we think we can fall away from him, we do. Thanks for the padding on the ‘I still love you’, but I’m not worried about it. There is a way to freedom. What I consider ‘my struggle’ (note the ownership, and so definition of self) is my way to freedom, and as I overcome I grow in light and my life becomes more full because I’m more present in Him and so there for every moment. I change. I grow light. I am becoming because as God expands so do I. Put off your small mindsets regarding who you think he is, and try to take in, not even who he is, try to take on HIS eyesight; how He sees. It changes everything.

and this:

I can’t go into the male/female thing right now. But age cannot be questioned. If you were a minute older than me you’d be my elder. For me to recognize and maintain this is to keep things holy in my life. I could equalize us, but that just raises me up. Whatever knowledge I have you can absolutely glean from, but if I think for a second I have more than you, I am becoming like God because somebody needs me wants me and I’m suddenly justified by the goods on earth…identifying with all the stuff that I got from other people.

I only have any real idea of who I am when I am looking into God. Everything else is just distraction. I am less me, less human, when I am moving in God because I don’t have to do good or bad or right by anyone – I’m  not impressive because God’s impressed with me and I don’t need love because I’m filthy with it. I’m lighter and brighter because the earth has less hold on me: I’m not a victim of circumstance, but served by it all. This is how miracles happen – my ideas of earthly limits begin falling away and I see God for who He is: consistent, pure love and rectification. That’s me. That’s you.

Who are you? Where do you find yourself? Not just in the earth, because circumstances come and go, but your headspace: are you at peace or are you in a muddle? God's got order for you, a saturation that settles out the sediment and purifies your conscience and next step. He's easy and accessible. This is what Faith is for - liberation. This is what Grace is for - enabling. Be strong.

heartthrob

my heart is beating wildly in my chest.
what are you doing, lord?
connecting, he says.
what with? i ask.
the string of things, the spark and ignition, the beginning, the truth, the spirit and the wind, the water there, the power, the assurance, the simplistic, easy, and free. why do you ask? do you not do the same?

This blog has been an exercise in expression. On many occasions it's become a tool to minister outside of myself, so I've been trying to write for others when really I'm just journaling, walking in/working out my thoughts and moves in salvation on paper. See the mixed motive? I can't lay me out while trying to assemble something for everyone else. I can't convince, and I can't persuade. So, now, conceiving that I receive the anointing by choice and by assumption, that is, taking on that spirit, I am free to initiate one mind.

My idea of self as an individual, as an independent, as just a guy, someone just trying to get by, as a funny person, a writer, a leader, a follower, traitor, liar, holy person, sinner or a saint; all of these that I have operated in and under, trying to fulfil and holding onto as labels for an understanding of where I fit: I pronounce them no more. I am in God. This is my identity. I no longer relate to the world, but I see the world as the fruit of the spirit of God. I do not need to perform a thing (either do this or go here) because I am free. I do not need to be anything (what I thought it meant to be a man) because I am free. I do not need to serve God (it is my heart to do this anyway) because I am free. I choose to hear him, I choose to receive Him, I choose to move with him in faith. I receive the anointing unto empowerment. I am not a soul, but a spirit. I've born witness to the reuniting of the soul and spirit - they were out of order, then separated for clarification, now made one again - and have found how easy it is to move. How easy to believe something incalculable, and how it's a matter of course I lose myself to it.

Purging Fire, Burning Pyre

The reason and purpose for this baptism (fire) is to give the power of this pursuit from the zeal and passion of G-d for His house to purge continuously, purify eternally, and be expectant perpetually. It will surely divide rightly with clarity with what fire we are of, for the day will manifest it.  

[[The baptism into fire enables (gives power to) this pursuit (power traded from God’s stock of Zeal and Passion) for us to Purge Continually, Purify Eternally, and Expect Perpetually. It divides rightly and clearly what fire we are of, because the light manifests it]]

We do burn, but with what fire? 

Ischus is the wind for the flame, dunamis is the the ignition. I've received this baptism [to whelm, to cover wholly with fluid] unto fire - the purifying flame; strengthening, powerful, inducing.

Losing myself to the fire doesn't make me any less holy or without God - it makes plain where the Lord is winnowing my flesh. The smoking furnace and burning lamp are a testimony of His faithful pursuit. My temple's been a mess, but he erects a pyre and burns up the junk so there won't be any more money changers in this temple.  

Burn up my idols! 

I was convinced today that I couldn't be faithful - that I must put off those I've known as 'faithful' and be off, lose myself or die. Quick, that. Rather than leave it at this, I look at the rationale that led me to this conclusion: What so moved me that this sovereign King, Son of God, would abdicate his throne and take his own life? 

It was all how I saw; how I did the job, how I relate to those I'm with, how I can earn my place in God. I was lied to, quiet while a snake whispered in my ear. Be active, Man! Zakar! Remember who you are! Stand on the Word, Jesus, and be affirmed. It's never a matter of circumstance; it's a matter of position in relation to the light: are you looking to the light or gazing on your shadow?

I

m just 

here

to watch the fireworks.

I watched my shadow today, when, immediately and without my knowledge, I was talking to God about it.  I was crying out to him that I couldn't complete what I was trying to do - it was brought on by the works of my hands, painting, but the issue was tied to my heart. I saw the pain of my association in an entirely different light, and praised God for being faithful. I moved from the outer court to the inner, and back again, smoothly. A first, I think. 

And all of this, the thoughts, emotions, ties, perceptions, reactions, rejections, false images, all the stuff that makes me a man and a sinner are nothing to God in light of Christ. Because I receive him and the measuring of the depth of my redemption, my heart is turned, uprooted, washed, planted and tended, harvested, separated, burned, made clean. The pure was always there, is always here, but it's the fire that destroys the stuff that can't stand up to the Word. There is more to me than there used to be because I bear witness to active display of God's recreation in me. Ha! He's re-created me, and recreates here too. He likes fireworks, so increasingly, I let his fire work. He's always known his work was Love for me, I just couldn't see it. 

A vessel of light

of honor dishonor

of pain patience and practice

of glory and fruition

judgment and fluidity

of friction and purification

an open demonstration of 

power. 

I am measured and 

not found wanting. 

little lies grab my attention

I give it (to) a-way,

a different way,

my choice.

Until I step into 

the Great Fire of the Lord

where everything around me burns

and I cry out to the Strong One

who reminds me he's with me

and that what I've been hoping in

was dead and dry-

perfect fuel for fire.

His water rushes over me

reviving my lips and eyes

and I see him and speak him

and he's everywhere

and everyone

and I move through the garden again

Thank God for pressure and high heat that shows us what burns and what we're made of.

Detective Bounty, ASC

    Some people have it. Many people step into this profession, more a lifestyle, excited because it's novel. Their first days are bright eyed and busy, but soon it's evident who has the gall, the 'it' that shucks all obstacles to achieve the end. You're informed on the first day that there is no end, that you're going to be seeking every day and that you won't be able to leave your work at work. That the things you see here won't leave your eyes and will affect your homelife. Your fellow detectives will become your family and you'll feel more at home chewing on the newest break in the case over midnight take-out in the office. Your wife will resent you unless she's the understanding type, and even then you'll have cold nights. But one of the ways this is a different sort of work is that we need your women, too. They see things men don't. If you hang in there through the horrors, breakthroughs and chases, you'll be changed for life. So will your children, and ninety percent of the time they'll join the walk.
    Here's what's odd and the real kicker: we've caught the killer, we know the end from the beginning. What we're doing is working backward, tracing in intimate detail to the beginning of things where it all started. This so we can know how to go forward, prevent any of these crimes from happening again.
    There's an impossibly high turnover rate here. I've only been in it for a few years, and I'm a veteran. I'm subject to that which I pursue, the Higher and Noble Truth that is objective because it's already happened. I find clues and  follow the trail, always in the midst of this search that consumes me. Few people are willing to commit, to sacrifice the lives they had for something with an intangible reward.  All you novice detectives, interns (temps even), come to me to learn how to do this, how to think anew, how to receive a different pattern of understanding so you can thrive.  And when the going's easy enough, you're fine. It's when you can't find the next step that you get upset and take it out on me. I inform you of how to move forward: cut up the walls on your boxed-in thinking and look with new eyes. This offends you because it's what I say every time, and you take your heat out on me because you've gotten too big for your britches. Again you fail to understand this frustration is what will elevate you to the next step, that the process looks different every time but always functions the same at it's heart: there is always a clue. Perseverance is the most important factor in the beginning: the case will break and you'll find exactly what you're looking for. Your gut is usually right.

Beginning To

I'm beginning to face,
(the part that turns)
beginning to face
the outer courts from the inner,
my home.
I glow, gold and bright blue,
Royal purple, and white -
all colors and so glory
in all of me.


I'm beginning to see
the truth and glory
of friction as perfection,
the recognition of pain,
frustration, anger, and fear
as particles just under the skin,
taken in, now passing.
This cleansing
my mind
be purified


i'm beginning to run
a race before the sun
for the prize, the glorious prize
every step and moment bring me to
that cup i desire, my lungs are on fire
but the prize, the glorious prize
for which i take no thought
of frustration, dread, and blood
because the prize, the glorious prize
before me the healing waters, the well,
the earnest expectation of that fulfilling
i could not find any place, oh, the places i've looked
for the prize, the glorious prize.


Seek my face, boy!
You've been in such pain;
just listen.
My love, you,
for you; yours.
Strength and security
not in the world
but in truth,
apart from the petty cares
of tomorrow.