Close Encounters

Pop? What am I good for if it doesn't manifest in this life?

What are you looking at? How do you think it will appear?

Well, comparing myself with Ashley and her army buddies, I'd have nothing - Strength, confidence, problem solving abilities, courage? I haven't seen anything like that in me. So I want to show off my spiritualness: "Oh yeah? Well, you did this, this, and this, and watch this! *fire and ice show* I know right? Cool. See, I'm awesome." Whatever....... I only say that because I don't know how to resolve the thought.

I work.

If it's just you and me, what do I do? As me, for you, just cuz...? I'm still casting about for purpose.

You don't need to impress me - I already know you: skills, talents, knowledge. I made you 5'8 3/4 to hold everything you have, and that vessel is holding well. But I promise you, Hans, what's coming, what's for you, is exactly your heart, your need. I love you so much and walk with you as you desire to walk with me. I'm here, love. Rest. You think you need strength - I've fortified your heart. You want to be intelligent -you know how to hear. You want to think outside the box - pay attention to me! Let's build together; anything, all things. Break it apart and start again. Reform, retry, recreate until we're satisfied.

What about people? I want them and deny them. How do I go where you would have me, when I consider so many ideas and small things important?

You'll know. Clear your head and lean on me. Hear my voice.

I want languages. I love speaking them - the alternatives to the things I know - their counterparts. Do I want to impress? Not really, not in this. I want to BE and LIVE as much with my English brethren as the Spanish, French, Norwegian...My tongue! Pop, I praise you, and these sounds roll and roll out of me until I Must say something my head can understand or prove, and the moment I do I think my words are small and impotent, always about what I know, and whining about what I want. But you, God, you have and give and serve. So I'm thankful. I am thankful. Sovereign and thankful. You didn't mess up anywhere.

Same for you.

...thanks. I'm afraid to ask for what I want. I don't know what I want, but I feel I've got to ask for something, so I ask for everything and don't expect any of it. I want the Wisdom of Solomon, but right now, spiritually imparted. BAM. What he must have walked through! What about Elisha?... What is valuable? Is it spiritual gifts? (tongues, prophecy, songs, interpretation of tongues) or wisdom? (practicalities of comings and goings for peace's sake) or giving/ a heart of charity? ... Love. I've been growing in love, and grace, but am waylayed when I consider I'm going the wrong way.

I'm still here with you.

I know, but...

Hans, your blood is of a rare breed. You are something special. I made you to show the world my glory, because I'm the light. Be the light. Take on the light and be made new by it. You are beautiful and perfect, but more than that you are a chosen vessel. Don't be self conscious or insecure - what are you but mine? You speak what I've spoken. I love your songs, by the way.

Ha. Thanks, dad.

For sure. You're coming closer to me and I love it. Please draw more near so I might be more near! I've made plans for you and you're walking right into them.

Can you give me any direction?

Keep writing.

Well, that's encouraging.

Wait till you see what it produces.

... I can't wait to be with you. I know you're now, but...the flesh...I think I'm different from other people because we each have our own bodies. Can I cross that boundary into fellowship? Reach the pool of spirit where we can all gather? And please, please settle me concerning marriage, even if it changes later.

The flesh is for the eyes, it's for sacrifice, to judge, condemn, lose and loose. It's a complete picture and manifestation of all of me - the gifts, the balance, the symmetry. Live in me and receive all of it unto fellowship. And you don't need a wife at this time, so be settled. You aren't missing anything, promise.

Thank you.

Anytime.