heartthrob

my heart is beating wildly in my chest.
what are you doing, lord?
connecting, he says.
what with? i ask.
the string of things, the spark and ignition, the beginning, the truth, the spirit and the wind, the water there, the power, the assurance, the simplistic, easy, and free. why do you ask? do you not do the same?

This blog has been an exercise in expression. On many occasions it's become a tool to minister outside of myself, so I've been trying to write for others when really I'm just journaling, walking in/working out my thoughts and moves in salvation on paper. See the mixed motive? I can't lay me out while trying to assemble something for everyone else. I can't convince, and I can't persuade. So, now, conceiving that I receive the anointing by choice and by assumption, that is, taking on that spirit, I am free to initiate one mind.

My idea of self as an individual, as an independent, as just a guy, someone just trying to get by, as a funny person, a writer, a leader, a follower, traitor, liar, holy person, sinner or a saint; all of these that I have operated in and under, trying to fulfil and holding onto as labels for an understanding of where I fit: I pronounce them no more. I am in God. This is my identity. I no longer relate to the world, but I see the world as the fruit of the spirit of God. I do not need to perform a thing (either do this or go here) because I am free. I do not need to be anything (what I thought it meant to be a man) because I am free. I do not need to serve God (it is my heart to do this anyway) because I am free. I choose to hear him, I choose to receive Him, I choose to move with him in faith. I receive the anointing unto empowerment. I am not a soul, but a spirit. I've born witness to the reuniting of the soul and spirit - they were out of order, then separated for clarification, now made one again - and have found how easy it is to move. How easy to believe something incalculable, and how it's a matter of course I lose myself to it.

Coming Home

Lord, I need to know your sovereignty.
You, God; not me.
When I look to you I attest to you as you are, not as I have seen you. I profess you and your glory, your liberating light. I walk to your heartbeat, the constant and steady thrum of my existence. I burn for You, O, Lord, that I might be purified. My head is bowed for your feet have shown me the way. You reign, father.

Self conscious, I don’t think I’ll be wanted. I don’t think there’s any use for me. I don’t think much of myself, which is where everything can turn around. When I think I have nothing, then I can stop thinking and open up to an influx of breath that coolly and cleanly circulates me. Without a word it reminds me that I’m worth living.

My eyes are toward you when I'm moving or standing still, when I'm powerful and when I'm waning; you correct my stance and urge me onward. You have outstretched your hand to this body, and we accept. As a gentleman, you elicit a dance, and we are lost in your arms. I am found in your gentle hands, humbled. 

God teach me your language. Your love.
Let the world move around me
while I walk with you.