I just watched 127 Hours and I couldn't react. "what'd you think of the movie?" my brother-in-law asked. "i don't wanna talk about it" was all I could say. it left me hollow. unfeeling. I went up to the kitchen and had chocolate ice cream in the dark. it left me thinking that I don't DO anything, not really. What's a do? Rockclimbing. Spelunking. Hiking. Camping (I can hardly setup a tent). Skiing, sledding...I walk. So I guess a do is getting outside. Something with fresh air and . experience.
we remember movies, kinda. We download music to match our scenes with a soundtrack. We watch our shows and have nothing to show for it. We school to get a degree and learn stuff we'll never use, getting up to our eyes in debt to do it. We buy stuff to decorate our homes that we won't own and probably can't leave to our children. Nothing lasts. Nothing counts - drinking, laughing, more work, better work, different work, that extra bowl/plate/bite of whatever . it's all gone in a moment.
so I'm contemplating faith. faith for freedom from that bite. for freedom to have the bite. all in service of me.

a wind of change from the east.
propulsion encircles and pulls me home, inspiration, fulfillment, belief.
Strategy, wisdom - wisdom of the ages.
i wish I was braver, or prettier, or just happy. I declare the power of the lord to do the things I've always dreamed. I've waited for them to begin, to be handed to me, but i can really do anything. havering, faithfulness, you faithful one. i love you. You've permitted confidence to be transplanted. Disgust, replaced by ... renewal. disgust is for a thing deemed unworthy, wasted, rotting, passing, stagnant, dying. But Renewal, ah, rejuvenation. My skin, my heart, my bones, my eyes, my trees, my stars. Discovered a new world all my own, never before explored - and every heartwrenching yearning, all the desires and frustrations of captivity are simply vanished, as if they never were. so my heart says 'do this' or 'no, please' and I do or I don't or I do anyway because I can't not, but I'm okay! I'm Okay! I'm better than okay, I'm really great.
Free to dance
free to sing
free to be mad for my king
because he's set me up
on solid ground .. ?
I try to seek him in the ways I choose - finding him where I've walked.
But how about to follow him?! to run where he runs! I want that: this the cry of my heart!
Love, o loveless!
take Heart, o heartless!
There's a redeemer who's taken interest, he's shown his breath, and it is love, wonder, truth and peace to be me and be free! to be free!
All of who I am has been built with purpose. musculature, bones, bits, eyes, hair, abilities, propensities, lights, tears, triumphs, overcomings, and even my disgracies, just bits of fluff to fill the stuffed animals I give as gifts to my children, bless them.