There's a Way

I've perceived a line with 'Love' and 'Law' at the other, where God's the balance between. Being part of a body where I lived in constant (crushing) awareness of others' perception of me, I have lived on the Law end for a while. I just asked myself how to dial down the law and dial up the love, to move more toward God's balance and yogi-bliss, and the fact that this is super 2-dimensional man-thought hit me.
I saw love and law come together on God to form one point. In the same moment I saw the line grow upward, outward, and sideways into a three dimensional universe in which the God of the center expanded as a ball of warm light into the very reaches of the still-growing everything. It was a cool impression.
I'm not apart from Him even when I'm in the law because there's love all over it. The law is just the way. It's the weight of the law that's not of Him.

In seeking God, I've been looking for something that's super foreign to me. I was trying to study it like I studied Spanish culture in high school: with little enthusiasm and because I was told to. I've tasted the life of him (far better than flan), and have gotten lawful on myself because I should dive in to all I can. I haven't. In school I worked for A's; in real life I aim for intangibles which are far harder to measure. So why measure? Isn't any progress advancement? I went for good grades to please people, but my momentum in God begins to mount when I realize I've been walking without knowing it: He doesn't leave, so we're always hanging out. I'm constantly seeing Him and myself in Him, I've just been trained to believe there's nothing exceptional about it so everyday has more on me than I have on it. God wants me free and I want to be free. I don't have to go anywhere or look like anything to be free - it's an inalienable right.

In reading the bible I'm reading about myself - I've never seen myself that way. You know, powerful, able, faithful, true; doing big things because I was called to regardless of how insane they looked. He told me again today that nothing about my life is mundane. This must be true because he's here right now, and when does someone so creative do anything unintentional? Zone out for a bit? When is God's downtime? He lives in peace and rest still doing things, but unhurried and without pressure. We say 'well He's God' as if that justifies the how of anything he does. But he's knowable. Everything he does he does so we would know him and his presence, his power and love. We are his likeness and image for goodness sakes, how different do you think we are? Jesus said we'd do the things he did and more, so why do we think an active and living God who doesn't take a break from caring for us is unreachable, hard-hearted and impossible to comprehend? Who the hell is this? He sounds capricioius and mean-spirited, like a Greek god. We admit one thing with our mouths (testifying of His goodness and grace) and do the obscene opposite (believing and so living that he's untrustworthy and going to punish me unless I can do well), hypocrites that we are.

Moving forward in God means aligning yourself with him, like a marriage. I put off my old self so that my new identity might be more like his; we are the Bride, after all. He presented the Bride to himself without spot or wrinkle, so I'm clean and wonderful before him. Where every day is a chance to be less of what I used to be (and hated), and more of what I desire (the one I've chosen to spend my life with), nothing's mundane. We don't grow familiar with each other, we grow more expectant and excited: He's made himself available. When I draw near to God and put off my old patterns of thinking, perceptions of him and who he is, perceptions of who I am or how I'm supposed to be, concerns and fears and hangups and wishes and on and on...when I willingly lay those at his feet, then I am free to be loved. And he's rapturous. I get red in the face reading Song of Songs because it's about me.

There is a way; it's through the bride. It's from a father who makes a son, through the mother that produces him. It's being part of a body who will shape you and raise you in the way you should go. It's submitting yourselves one to another, confessing your sins, building one another up and blessing those whose hearts have been given to you. All of this because we have a mediator and because we are cared for by the one who loved us first. He's made a way where there was no way, and it's nothing like we understand or imagine.