Hey,
I would just like to encourage you. When God doesn't seem near you can know by faith that he's closer than your skin. When you feel lost, forgotten, or worthless you can know by faith that nothing is outside of him, and that even when you are on the farthest reaches of heaven he will still call to you.
Take comfort knowing that God's a Righteous Judge - he deals in righteousness and right-standing. He doesn't peddle in good or bad or right or wrong, he only looks on profitable or unprofitable and this is evidenced by the fruit in your life.
So be free in your heart.
Let your head be uplifted because God is Spirit and he is with you. Do not worry about tomorrow but face what you've been given to walk in RIGHT NOW because God's hand is in it.
He ceaselessly calls us back to rectification in Him - it doesn't matter where you've fallen, what you've done, how hard your fists hit the floor - so every moment is a chance to be free from all your mindsets about who you are, how things work, how to best live life, how to make your own way, how people relate...all of this you can turn from at every second and be free to respond as your spirit-self would - with temperance, love, hope, and good cheer.
You are loved. Be free to receive that love.
Peace to you.
Hans
5.13.2012
Elevator
Pardon me, my highrise fellow, but do you have the time?
I do, good sir, just here, good sir, upon this watch of mine.
I haven't eyes to see, by jove, would you tell me true?
Of the sun to-day, light on the bay, and of dreams lost to you?
The sun today is warm and clear, the bay its deepest blue,
and the light suffusing both seems to make everything new.
Forgive a forward comment sir, a stranger please oblige,
How came you, so bold, good sir, to lose those seeing eyes?
I lost them off to work one day, the tallest towers high,
the city-lights did blind me as through ranks I tried to rise.
I've sold my soul for a penny, and the ferry-man my sight,
but you, good lad, failed to mention the loss of your great light.
The brightest light I've held for fear in sharing I might lose,
I want to be an artist, doing shows, receiving dues.
That flame died when the world laughed about my sight,
the artist's touch won't match the gain of commerce: man's true flight.
Aren't we a pair? I a blind man, you a-blinded too,
the question we must answer now 'What are we to do?'
You know your freedom lies at hand, to paint, the artist's life,
yet here in rising lift we stand, ascending to your blight.
I've come to take you from this world, you're just about to die.
It's done, my son, you've made your bed and now's the time to lie.
I've come to terms with sightlessness, in other ways make do,
but you, poor boy, working so hard, have sealed your very doom.
But sir! oh, sir! I do repent, the coin was in my eye,
I desired the world, riches, and even more, the skies!
so unfulfilled I'm bitter, unwilling, unready to fly,
I'll change my ways and paint such life back into those eyes!
You'll hear them tell it true, how I paint with softest touch,
there never was an artist who loved his paint so much!
I'll travel all around the world, inciting riots in my heart,
changing paints and subject, colour! oh, in love with purest art!
Oh, good, dear boy, it's nice to hear the time for you is nigh,
to begin again, to be free and then pursue your highest high.
This is why we're created, son, to live the lightened life,
not to pursue the groundless things that leave a man sucked dry.
I'm just a man like you, not death a-walking mortal shoes,
but to God rededicate your life and every hue.
He ambled slowly out the lift, light-livened eyes shone through,
I lifted top to bottom again, not knowing what to do.
I cannot stand, I cannot sit, for the life that's come alive,
that blind old man has made me see the sun and bay for the first time.
I do, good sir, just here, good sir, upon this watch of mine.
I haven't eyes to see, by jove, would you tell me true?
Of the sun to-day, light on the bay, and of dreams lost to you?
The sun today is warm and clear, the bay its deepest blue,
and the light suffusing both seems to make everything new.
Forgive a forward comment sir, a stranger please oblige,
How came you, so bold, good sir, to lose those seeing eyes?
I lost them off to work one day, the tallest towers high,
the city-lights did blind me as through ranks I tried to rise.
I've sold my soul for a penny, and the ferry-man my sight,
but you, good lad, failed to mention the loss of your great light.
The brightest light I've held for fear in sharing I might lose,
I want to be an artist, doing shows, receiving dues.
That flame died when the world laughed about my sight,
the artist's touch won't match the gain of commerce: man's true flight.
Aren't we a pair? I a blind man, you a-blinded too,
the question we must answer now 'What are we to do?'
You know your freedom lies at hand, to paint, the artist's life,
yet here in rising lift we stand, ascending to your blight.
I've come to take you from this world, you're just about to die.
It's done, my son, you've made your bed and now's the time to lie.
I've come to terms with sightlessness, in other ways make do,
but you, poor boy, working so hard, have sealed your very doom.
But sir! oh, sir! I do repent, the coin was in my eye,
I desired the world, riches, and even more, the skies!
so unfulfilled I'm bitter, unwilling, unready to fly,
I'll change my ways and paint such life back into those eyes!
You'll hear them tell it true, how I paint with softest touch,
there never was an artist who loved his paint so much!
I'll travel all around the world, inciting riots in my heart,
changing paints and subject, colour! oh, in love with purest art!
Oh, good, dear boy, it's nice to hear the time for you is nigh,
to begin again, to be free and then pursue your highest high.
This is why we're created, son, to live the lightened life,
not to pursue the groundless things that leave a man sucked dry.
I'm just a man like you, not death a-walking mortal shoes,
but to God rededicate your life and every hue.
He ambled slowly out the lift, light-livened eyes shone through,
I lifted top to bottom again, not knowing what to do.
I cannot stand, I cannot sit, for the life that's come alive,
that blind old man has made me see the sun and bay for the first time.
5.11.2012
The City The Country
Today I rode hours in the wrong direction twice and spent about 10 minutes in the ocean, my goal.
It really is about the people you're with because I was devastatingly lonely. I wanted new friends, and then I didn't, I wanted old friends, but wanted to be free with them. And then I just wanted fellowship, where the thing is just the thing, and God gets the glory.
Mountains are mountains and rivers are rivers
until mountains are not mountains and rivers are not rivers,
and then mountains are mountains and rivers are rivers again.
You have fond memories of a place because of the associations that were made there, with the people whose voices are echoing in those memories. People are the investment. It's not discovering how strong I can be on my own, just how independently I can function so I might know a new kind of life somehow. We are meant to work in relationship, to fellowship, to move, and exalt, and mess about, and screw up and increase through it all.
Everyone on couchsurfing says 'I like open-minded people' and 'I'm fun-loving' and 'spontaneous'. We have ideas about who we want to consort with, but that says little about the connection that arises between people. Either you are for each other or you are not; either you are both for the lord or you are not. It's a yoking issue.
I've got a couple days here still, and a date tomorrow morning, so we'll see how this expands.
____
My heart's in quite a state. It's been gripped and grappled; I guess it's tender. Freedom, choice, deliberation, and smarts. Execution is my problem now. I see myself independent and blessed... achieving things that I alone couldn't possibly do, but am alone, save God. It's messy, this impression.
So I'll write a book.
When I am sad
I will smile.
"It's not what you do that defines your quality of life, it's who you do it with."
"It's not what you think that defines who you are, it's what you do."
So what you do defines you and who you're with determines your quality of life? Can that be right? Platitudes are lazy and all-encompassing because they're generally true and sound poetic and wise enough that people say them because they have to say something when they don't know what to say.
Man's mind is a pit of snakes, and when, like Indy, we fall into it, we are lost to ourselves. Intervention by the arms of another are what save us when we cannot be.
The head and the heart are two separate things - one a driver, the other for recreation; one for inception, the other for implementation. Can you see which is which?
____
The date went well.
It really is about the people you're with because I was devastatingly lonely. I wanted new friends, and then I didn't, I wanted old friends, but wanted to be free with them. And then I just wanted fellowship, where the thing is just the thing, and God gets the glory.
Mountains are mountains and rivers are rivers
until mountains are not mountains and rivers are not rivers,
and then mountains are mountains and rivers are rivers again.
You have fond memories of a place because of the associations that were made there, with the people whose voices are echoing in those memories. People are the investment. It's not discovering how strong I can be on my own, just how independently I can function so I might know a new kind of life somehow. We are meant to work in relationship, to fellowship, to move, and exalt, and mess about, and screw up and increase through it all.
Everyone on couchsurfing says 'I like open-minded people' and 'I'm fun-loving' and 'spontaneous'. We have ideas about who we want to consort with, but that says little about the connection that arises between people. Either you are for each other or you are not; either you are both for the lord or you are not. It's a yoking issue.
I've got a couple days here still, and a date tomorrow morning, so we'll see how this expands.
____
My heart's in quite a state. It's been gripped and grappled; I guess it's tender. Freedom, choice, deliberation, and smarts. Execution is my problem now. I see myself independent and blessed... achieving things that I alone couldn't possibly do, but am alone, save God. It's messy, this impression.
So I'll write a book.
When I am sad
I will smile.
"It's not what you do that defines your quality of life, it's who you do it with."
"It's not what you think that defines who you are, it's what you do."
So what you do defines you and who you're with determines your quality of life? Can that be right? Platitudes are lazy and all-encompassing because they're generally true and sound poetic and wise enough that people say them because they have to say something when they don't know what to say.
Man's mind is a pit of snakes, and when, like Indy, we fall into it, we are lost to ourselves. Intervention by the arms of another are what save us when we cannot be.
The head and the heart are two separate things - one a driver, the other for recreation; one for inception, the other for implementation. Can you see which is which?
____
The date went well.
The Active God, art. 317
Two spheres similar in size and shape to the untrained eye are heaven and earth. Where they overlap I find me. But that might make this space hell, part spirit, part earth, and I am not in hell, so that can't be right. Hell must be a third sphere, part of both again, but its altogether own, granting the fallen angel his own domain of fiery torture with boundaries saying 'here and no further.' But that breaks spirit in twain and leaves the earthly as its own, which makes no sense because God is spirit and created man in His image -so we must be spirit because he's ever with us and we with him. So now, as the word says, there is no separation between soul and spirit save for clarification, and these circles all overlap - where heaven covers all iterations of itself: the holy, physical, and fallen.
yet each of these locations has its place - so how to divide them for understanding? It must be an issue of understanding, what we know, have learned and experienced, have assumed true. A matter of how I think, where my mindsets fall, how my eyes perceive.
I could be in the country of heaven, traveling between the states or cities of hell and earth. But satan fell to earth like lightning, so earth is his domain. Can it be that God is the President of Heaven with Satan, his right-hand-man, resisting him? The word says so. But God knows his plans for us, to help us and not harm us, though Satan roams around like a roaring lion. So Jesus rectifies what Satan had called his own, the Son of the long-loved President coming in and bearing his Father's name. This example doesn't work well as a physical manifestation, but it does if it's all in me. Heaven's within and my capacity to dwell in peace or fury is given to me - states that voted red can go blue or vice versa, and Jesus can rectify anything. God and Jesus vs./in spite of Satan. Where Satan is victor, the economy crumbles and causes a city to turn back to the father - its destruction is present in its own sowing. So the city's rectified. And when the Holy Spirit's the Father's PR man, they're pretty sure a win.
But the city must be open in order to be won over. And cities that are seared have got to come down because they no longer produce. They become socialist, unworking and poor, leeching off the cities that are fruitful and claiming they deserve their share. The trumpets are blown and the walls fall in on themselves. Then the foundation is laid again and the city comes back in newness of life.
And this is my heart. Good from jump, sold a bill of goods by a liar and thief, rectified by Jesus in all things, and in constant communion with God thanks to His Spirit. I can be in hell with no peace in sight, but I'm still in God's country. And He leads a government that listens because it was established for me - for my benefit - for this man who received the idea of sovereignty and gave my land, freedom, finances, and self to it.
Sovereignty is topmost priority in this land. God doesn't tell us to do anything or make us do anything: we are free. Those who will be sold to Satan will be sold and they can stay that way. God will not tell Satan he can't do a thing, but He will act when His people make their requests known.
yet each of these locations has its place - so how to divide them for understanding? It must be an issue of understanding, what we know, have learned and experienced, have assumed true. A matter of how I think, where my mindsets fall, how my eyes perceive.
I could be in the country of heaven, traveling between the states or cities of hell and earth. But satan fell to earth like lightning, so earth is his domain. Can it be that God is the President of Heaven with Satan, his right-hand-man, resisting him? The word says so. But God knows his plans for us, to help us and not harm us, though Satan roams around like a roaring lion. So Jesus rectifies what Satan had called his own, the Son of the long-loved President coming in and bearing his Father's name. This example doesn't work well as a physical manifestation, but it does if it's all in me. Heaven's within and my capacity to dwell in peace or fury is given to me - states that voted red can go blue or vice versa, and Jesus can rectify anything. God and Jesus vs./in spite of Satan. Where Satan is victor, the economy crumbles and causes a city to turn back to the father - its destruction is present in its own sowing. So the city's rectified. And when the Holy Spirit's the Father's PR man, they're pretty sure a win.
But the city must be open in order to be won over. And cities that are seared have got to come down because they no longer produce. They become socialist, unworking and poor, leeching off the cities that are fruitful and claiming they deserve their share. The trumpets are blown and the walls fall in on themselves. Then the foundation is laid again and the city comes back in newness of life.
And this is my heart. Good from jump, sold a bill of goods by a liar and thief, rectified by Jesus in all things, and in constant communion with God thanks to His Spirit. I can be in hell with no peace in sight, but I'm still in God's country. And He leads a government that listens because it was established for me - for my benefit - for this man who received the idea of sovereignty and gave my land, freedom, finances, and self to it.
Sovereignty is topmost priority in this land. God doesn't tell us to do anything or make us do anything: we are free. Those who will be sold to Satan will be sold and they can stay that way. God will not tell Satan he can't do a thing, but He will act when His people make their requests known.
5.09.2012
Letters for Edification III
April '12
I like that in the email you just sent, the content was more about your heart and honesty than about the thing, because in God the thing is not the thing. All we go through and all we do is the father putting a thing before us to show us ourselves: where we stand, what we desire, what we judge, what our faith weathers and where it withers. This is about about fathering. Many teachers you have but few fathers, so where do we get our identity?
Rev 2:17 He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To him who overcomes, I will give some of the hidden manna. I will also give him a white stone with a new name written on it, known only to him who receives it.
We are a generation of bastards, raised by mothers who've done their best, but were not designed by God to form men. Christianity today is about mothering - birthing babes in the faith that are left to die because nobody is willing to raise them the way a father is supposed to give his life for his children. It's not to blame anyone - this is everyone's fault and everyone's problem.
But not really.
satan has been successful, but the seeds of his own destruction are in his very machinations. God's won. His children have it at their disposal to become again what it is they're meant to be through the search for fathering.
Mothering happens.
In the beginning, you are born and can't do much yourself. Mom tells you it's okay and gives you milk (the word) that satisfies you and is easy to digest. As you toddle, you are taught little life lessons. As a teenager, you make stupid mistakes and suffer for them when you assert your know-it-allness and your independence, but you're free to make those choices. At some point, your body must move from milk to meat. Meat is tougher because you have to work for what you get. Even if it's set before you, you've got to cut at it and chew it up and the body takes a long time in its digestion. The word becomes a harder and more concrete truth, something more real and satisfying. If you still desire milk, you might resent the toughness of the word. But God has said you are strong, and if mom's been reflecting Dad as you've been raised up, you'll know that truth and it'll be part of you, so you can stand in the face of conviction when YOUR strength and YOUR pride of life are called into question. God's said you're righteous: what have you to be proud of? The point is that at some point my parents stop smothering me with care and affection and the onus is placed on me to seek them out. To PURSUE the heart of my father, my dad, my spiritual father, my elder, the one who HAS WHAT I NEED, and the one who loves GOD enough to be straight with me. To tell me the word with the spirit on it so I might go free from what has been entrenched in emotion and mindgames and social obligation to what is Liberty and Life; that which propels me into a walk that is upright and the world judges as freakish and outside the norm. We are peculiar people for a reason! But mainstream christianity is mixed and muddled and soft and outspoken and either full of hippie-love for everyone or judgement on all people and there is no balance and no real life.
There are few fathers in the homes, and there are no fathers in the churches. Every struggle I have has to do with my idea of being a man. Taking care of my finances, considering the girl or not considering her, eating well or taking care of my body, saving for a house, getting a real career so I can support a family, considering myself [anything] rather than a child of God. These things are all ideas I've picked up somewhere, heard with my ears, that have found a place in me to take root. And I let them and held them. I didn't know it at the time, but these roots have gotten deep, and now when I am confronted with these mindsets (all works, mind you - the things that God doesn't accept? the ones that don't get you into heaven? because righteousness doesn't come from the law but by faith?) I falter, because my foundation is being torn up by their uprooting. I have let these things become my peace: I will be happy and a real winner in God when I am good with my hands and can make a matching set of furniture. This sets my satisfaction and identity in my deeds and in the future when really God is with me here (loves me as I stand or sit or fall or shake) and now (because he dwells outside of time:backward and forward, yes, but we can't yet conceive of this so being Present is all there is).
Fathers are meant to teach us these things, and as we grow in prowess, trust, faith, the gifts, the word, the truth, the child-like faithfulness required to perceive God, then we can begin to pursue Fathers. It is the glory of God to hide a thing, but the honour of kings to search it out.
The most spiritual man I know is facing God. He has no pride, is ugly as sin and will give me every moment of the day that doesn't impede with his caring for his family. He is ALWAYS communing with God, so he is ALWAYS facing forward, and I must ALWAYS go to HIM to get whatever he's chewing on. He's growing, but I won't get any of that if I don't go to him. Whoever is with him benefits from his gleaning, but they must glean from his reaping! They must humble themselves and recognize what they already know: that this man has something I do not yet have and I want it so much! He is my father. Any man older than me, any spiritually guided man to whom I must humble myself and call Lord (all authority is of God, and if my faith is in God then HOW could a man wrong me?), any man who doesn't look like I think a holy man should is a challenge to my faith (the unwritten law that says a holy man has good stature and nice words and tithes consistently and doesn't swear), and God speaks through asses...Do we listen? (Donkeys btw represent humility. Go figure.) To be fathered by the Father is they cry of our hearts, and we have been told we were abandoned, which is why Jesus, a man, loving us so much, speaks so greatly. Real love is strong - affectionate, but more than that: True. It lasts and once we have heard the Truth we are without excuse. Grace is to change, and the word is written on our hearts. How are we not free?
Freedom is a lot closer than we think. It lies in understanding sovereignty, knowing where to find what you need, humbling yourself in order to get it, and letting go of whatever you have held in order to receive it.
This is what your story's about. It's about the Real. About the State of things. About socialism that says I'll work and your lazy ass will benefit, because a mother will dote on a child she thinks deserves the world. It's about the strength of the arms of a dad when our mess-ups consume us and he still says 'well done, son'. It's about my not being approved by my works because I'm loved in spite of my failings and to spite my successes. If I sat here and watched tv for the rest of my life I'm still loved. It doesn't matter what I do - God's love for me is all-consuming. It literally is me. My breath is his realization. I am in His image. Masculinity? A man is one who seeks hard after fathering. It has nothing to do with how much he can lift, who he can provide for, what he looks like, how he sounds: All these things come from his faith (either in the father (where all are perfected), or in those things being the mark of a man). I am that I am. I am no less a man because I fell for video games for years and thought satisfaction would come by that. I am no less a man because I lied to my dad at age three. I am no less a man because I proposed to a girl because I thought it was what I should do. Being a man in God isn't an issue. Taking on who he is is what it's all about. But I'm free, so if I never do take on who he is, it doesn't matter. I'm still loved and still can't win satisfaction by my deeds.
So be what you are, Elijah, Hans, free from the bondages you held to. Be liberated in heart, by spirit, unto the Father, the one who loves you beyond reason and beyond comprehending. You are a gift and gifted, not to glory in, but to give glory to the one who is the beginning and end. This is what you're story's about: about finding an identity, not in choices or action, but in who the father is - even the physical one, despite his shortcomings, because all are flesh and have the flesh to contend with (EVEN THOUGH WE DON'T CONTEND WITH FLESH AND BLOOD), yet it's a veil we've been given to believe has been undone. The veil of the flesh is the hardest to get through because it's the man before me I can decide is low and dirty, the one I can say in my heart does not come in the name of the lord, and so I remain hard-hearted and the same. But we grow from glory to glory, line upon line, precept upon precept, and God's faith does not waver.
_____
April '12
I am elated to get this. I saw that it was a chunk mail and not just a line or title and went 'holy crap', because that sort of staying power in writing means there's something legit inside.
Congrats on the baptism. It's incomparable to be submerged into a new way of life. It's not just about the washing: your old man is left there, in the water, and a new one rises up. You no longer need relate to things in the old way, how you always have, but you are free. Free to breathe. Free to receive grace to walk a new way. Grace is to change. I like you man, and whether I judged, judge, or will judge you, matters nothing to Your walk. Our walks are individual. It's me and God: when I feel judged, that's NOTHING to do with the other person - the judgement's already inside me. God doesn't demand you do anything, so neither can I hold you to some 'do this/don't do that" standard. God's about freedom and walking free. Obligation isn't freedom, performance isn't freedom, lies aren't freedom, murder isn't freedom, lust isn't freedom. Only grace is freedom. We MUST get our eyes off the earth to perceive that Grace covers our actions and inactions, but that our walk isn't even about our actions. Actions stem from the heart: if you do things to be a good person or to get man's approval (I do this constantly), your actions show you where your faith lies because if your actions aren't good enough your satisfaction and peace is stolen. If you do things because it's in your heart to do them (you'll know when you do something because you 'should' (obligation) and when it's simply in you to do), then you are free, because the lord impressed something on you and you were propelled into motion. I love you man, and my heart is very much for you. I am excited for this new walk and eyesight, this energy you've entered into. Another name for the holy spirit is 'energeo' (sp?) which translates to energy. Light is energy.
On Easter we saw a guy in Sydney lugging a cross on a wheel up the city street. It had something something 'Christ' written on it and I sort of laughed. What is this man's faith that he would go out with this giant attention-getter to... what? Save people? How's he gonna do that? We saw him about 20 minutes later further up the street. He was yelling at a guy 'You are a coward! You are a coward! You are a coward!" as the guy walked away from him. And then they had some more words, I suppose. We kept walking. It was remarkable. God's people are different because they are in him, moving to a sound the rest of the world doesn't care to hear. This man was told that he had to be a martyr for people, had to reach out to grab them from the grips of hell before Jesus returns on the clouds, and this is how he figured he could do it. But the great commission doesn't say 'go and witness', it says 'as you go, bear witness' which means 'you're going: bear witness to the light inside of you and others will see it.' If grace says all you are is safe, and sovereignty says that nobody (God included) can demand anything of you, how could Jesus say 'Go!' and make people go? People go by faith, and I can EASILY say that my coming to Australia was a move in Faith. And in my going I have born witness to the changes God has wrought in me: the longevity of my faith, the staying power of my salvation, the way my peace remains in the face of adversity because GOD IS BACKING ME UP AND I KNOW IT. Minister to God WITHIN you, and you will see his works occur without you. You cannot save a damn person, but you can bear witness, learn to recognize the spirit moving in your heart, and a word of deliverance might come forth. If you shout down someone with 'you need Jesus!' or 'You're a coward!' that's okay, it's just not really in line with the word.
Let your mindsets concerning Who God is and How He operates come down, because He was never who I was raised to think He is. He doesn't look that way, he doesn't show up like that, he isn't far-off and his nearness doesn't feel the way it used to or 'should'.
Most people live with earthly wisdom, and give lip-service to God, because they haven't been schooled in the True God (the one with real and powerful Grace, the one who saves, the one who backs us up, and the one who visits us every freaking day but we don't see), because we have many teachers but few Fathers. We are a religion of bastards, brought into the fold by men who wish to see God's kingdom increase by numbers, and then left to fend for ourselves the minute we are born. So we raise ourselves with the words everyone else uses, taking on the judgements and values of everyone around us because if everyone's doing it it should be right. It's safe to say a buzz phrase in the christian world is that 'there's something wrong with Christianity today', so pastors dress young to reach kids, and try new music to get the congregation out of their comfort zones, and buy more lights to attract more people and it all becomes the next big attempt at reaching a God who hasn't changed since the beginning. Psychology isn't the answer, self-help isn't what it's cracked up to be, and marrying a good, christian woman won't save you the way you think it will.
To walk in Christ is to be radical, but not like you think. It's a departure from what you have been living into something that is alien. It effing hurts because it's separation from the identity you have spent 25 years forming. But everything is given back to you. You only Ever have anything to gain because God is working ceaselessly on your behalf. We have turned from our first love, but when you desire to recognize the Lord, do something more than go to church and put your hands up. Seek out those who have him. Spiritual elders who are at peace and those who have the spirit. You know them. They're REAL MEN because they have something, a sound, maybe, that other people don't. Seek the spirit AND truth, because to have one but not the other is a travesty and misses the mark. But nothing is in vain.
I have great hope (expectation) for you, because if you stay the course God will not disappoint you. It's NEVER a pass/fail thing, and God won't EVER reject you, because you are NEVER beyond his reach. You are loved, brother, even when you don't feel it. We simply learn to recognize love as He is, and then we will be like Him. The feeling does go away, because feelings are soulish (earthly) - it's what you do when they fade that shows you where you stand and what you're heart's become, where you can still increase, where you might grow, and if you can testify in Truth in the dry times, you will be the spirit-man you desire to be. If it's just when you're high that you can say 'I love life!', then you don't really love life.
Rockin'.
I like that in the email you just sent, the content was more about your heart and honesty than about the thing, because in God the thing is not the thing. All we go through and all we do is the father putting a thing before us to show us ourselves: where we stand, what we desire, what we judge, what our faith weathers and where it withers. This is about about fathering. Many teachers you have but few fathers, so where do we get our identity?
Rev 2:17 He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To him who overcomes, I will give some of the hidden manna. I will also give him a white stone with a new name written on it, known only to him who receives it.
We are a generation of bastards, raised by mothers who've done their best, but were not designed by God to form men. Christianity today is about mothering - birthing babes in the faith that are left to die because nobody is willing to raise them the way a father is supposed to give his life for his children. It's not to blame anyone - this is everyone's fault and everyone's problem.
But not really.
satan has been successful, but the seeds of his own destruction are in his very machinations. God's won. His children have it at their disposal to become again what it is they're meant to be through the search for fathering.
Mothering happens.
In the beginning, you are born and can't do much yourself. Mom tells you it's okay and gives you milk (the word) that satisfies you and is easy to digest. As you toddle, you are taught little life lessons. As a teenager, you make stupid mistakes and suffer for them when you assert your know-it-allness and your independence, but you're free to make those choices. At some point, your body must move from milk to meat. Meat is tougher because you have to work for what you get. Even if it's set before you, you've got to cut at it and chew it up and the body takes a long time in its digestion. The word becomes a harder and more concrete truth, something more real and satisfying. If you still desire milk, you might resent the toughness of the word. But God has said you are strong, and if mom's been reflecting Dad as you've been raised up, you'll know that truth and it'll be part of you, so you can stand in the face of conviction when YOUR strength and YOUR pride of life are called into question. God's said you're righteous: what have you to be proud of? The point is that at some point my parents stop smothering me with care and affection and the onus is placed on me to seek them out. To PURSUE the heart of my father, my dad, my spiritual father, my elder, the one who HAS WHAT I NEED, and the one who loves GOD enough to be straight with me. To tell me the word with the spirit on it so I might go free from what has been entrenched in emotion and mindgames and social obligation to what is Liberty and Life; that which propels me into a walk that is upright and the world judges as freakish and outside the norm. We are peculiar people for a reason! But mainstream christianity is mixed and muddled and soft and outspoken and either full of hippie-love for everyone or judgement on all people and there is no balance and no real life.
There are few fathers in the homes, and there are no fathers in the churches. Every struggle I have has to do with my idea of being a man. Taking care of my finances, considering the girl or not considering her, eating well or taking care of my body, saving for a house, getting a real career so I can support a family, considering myself [anything] rather than a child of God. These things are all ideas I've picked up somewhere, heard with my ears, that have found a place in me to take root. And I let them and held them. I didn't know it at the time, but these roots have gotten deep, and now when I am confronted with these mindsets (all works, mind you - the things that God doesn't accept? the ones that don't get you into heaven? because righteousness doesn't come from the law but by faith?) I falter, because my foundation is being torn up by their uprooting. I have let these things become my peace: I will be happy and a real winner in God when I am good with my hands and can make a matching set of furniture. This sets my satisfaction and identity in my deeds and in the future when really God is with me here (loves me as I stand or sit or fall or shake) and now (because he dwells outside of time:backward and forward, yes, but we can't yet conceive of this so being Present is all there is).
Fathers are meant to teach us these things, and as we grow in prowess, trust, faith, the gifts, the word, the truth, the child-like faithfulness required to perceive God, then we can begin to pursue Fathers. It is the glory of God to hide a thing, but the honour of kings to search it out.
The most spiritual man I know is facing God. He has no pride, is ugly as sin and will give me every moment of the day that doesn't impede with his caring for his family. He is ALWAYS communing with God, so he is ALWAYS facing forward, and I must ALWAYS go to HIM to get whatever he's chewing on. He's growing, but I won't get any of that if I don't go to him. Whoever is with him benefits from his gleaning, but they must glean from his reaping! They must humble themselves and recognize what they already know: that this man has something I do not yet have and I want it so much! He is my father. Any man older than me, any spiritually guided man to whom I must humble myself and call Lord (all authority is of God, and if my faith is in God then HOW could a man wrong me?), any man who doesn't look like I think a holy man should is a challenge to my faith (the unwritten law that says a holy man has good stature and nice words and tithes consistently and doesn't swear), and God speaks through asses...Do we listen? (Donkeys btw represent humility. Go figure.) To be fathered by the Father is they cry of our hearts, and we have been told we were abandoned, which is why Jesus, a man, loving us so much, speaks so greatly. Real love is strong - affectionate, but more than that: True. It lasts and once we have heard the Truth we are without excuse. Grace is to change, and the word is written on our hearts. How are we not free?
Freedom is a lot closer than we think. It lies in understanding sovereignty, knowing where to find what you need, humbling yourself in order to get it, and letting go of whatever you have held in order to receive it.
This is what your story's about. It's about the Real. About the State of things. About socialism that says I'll work and your lazy ass will benefit, because a mother will dote on a child she thinks deserves the world. It's about the strength of the arms of a dad when our mess-ups consume us and he still says 'well done, son'. It's about my not being approved by my works because I'm loved in spite of my failings and to spite my successes. If I sat here and watched tv for the rest of my life I'm still loved. It doesn't matter what I do - God's love for me is all-consuming. It literally is me. My breath is his realization. I am in His image. Masculinity? A man is one who seeks hard after fathering. It has nothing to do with how much he can lift, who he can provide for, what he looks like, how he sounds: All these things come from his faith (either in the father (where all are perfected), or in those things being the mark of a man). I am that I am. I am no less a man because I fell for video games for years and thought satisfaction would come by that. I am no less a man because I lied to my dad at age three. I am no less a man because I proposed to a girl because I thought it was what I should do. Being a man in God isn't an issue. Taking on who he is is what it's all about. But I'm free, so if I never do take on who he is, it doesn't matter. I'm still loved and still can't win satisfaction by my deeds.
So be what you are, Elijah, Hans, free from the bondages you held to. Be liberated in heart, by spirit, unto the Father, the one who loves you beyond reason and beyond comprehending. You are a gift and gifted, not to glory in, but to give glory to the one who is the beginning and end. This is what you're story's about: about finding an identity, not in choices or action, but in who the father is - even the physical one, despite his shortcomings, because all are flesh and have the flesh to contend with (EVEN THOUGH WE DON'T CONTEND WITH FLESH AND BLOOD), yet it's a veil we've been given to believe has been undone. The veil of the flesh is the hardest to get through because it's the man before me I can decide is low and dirty, the one I can say in my heart does not come in the name of the lord, and so I remain hard-hearted and the same. But we grow from glory to glory, line upon line, precept upon precept, and God's faith does not waver.
_____
April '12
I am elated to get this. I saw that it was a chunk mail and not just a line or title and went 'holy crap', because that sort of staying power in writing means there's something legit inside.
Congrats on the baptism. It's incomparable to be submerged into a new way of life. It's not just about the washing: your old man is left there, in the water, and a new one rises up. You no longer need relate to things in the old way, how you always have, but you are free. Free to breathe. Free to receive grace to walk a new way. Grace is to change. I like you man, and whether I judged, judge, or will judge you, matters nothing to Your walk. Our walks are individual. It's me and God: when I feel judged, that's NOTHING to do with the other person - the judgement's already inside me. God doesn't demand you do anything, so neither can I hold you to some 'do this/don't do that" standard. God's about freedom and walking free. Obligation isn't freedom, performance isn't freedom, lies aren't freedom, murder isn't freedom, lust isn't freedom. Only grace is freedom. We MUST get our eyes off the earth to perceive that Grace covers our actions and inactions, but that our walk isn't even about our actions. Actions stem from the heart: if you do things to be a good person or to get man's approval (I do this constantly), your actions show you where your faith lies because if your actions aren't good enough your satisfaction and peace is stolen. If you do things because it's in your heart to do them (you'll know when you do something because you 'should' (obligation) and when it's simply in you to do), then you are free, because the lord impressed something on you and you were propelled into motion. I love you man, and my heart is very much for you. I am excited for this new walk and eyesight, this energy you've entered into. Another name for the holy spirit is 'energeo' (sp?) which translates to energy. Light is energy.
On Easter we saw a guy in Sydney lugging a cross on a wheel up the city street. It had something something 'Christ' written on it and I sort of laughed. What is this man's faith that he would go out with this giant attention-getter to... what? Save people? How's he gonna do that? We saw him about 20 minutes later further up the street. He was yelling at a guy 'You are a coward! You are a coward! You are a coward!" as the guy walked away from him. And then they had some more words, I suppose. We kept walking. It was remarkable. God's people are different because they are in him, moving to a sound the rest of the world doesn't care to hear. This man was told that he had to be a martyr for people, had to reach out to grab them from the grips of hell before Jesus returns on the clouds, and this is how he figured he could do it. But the great commission doesn't say 'go and witness', it says 'as you go, bear witness' which means 'you're going: bear witness to the light inside of you and others will see it.' If grace says all you are is safe, and sovereignty says that nobody (God included) can demand anything of you, how could Jesus say 'Go!' and make people go? People go by faith, and I can EASILY say that my coming to Australia was a move in Faith. And in my going I have born witness to the changes God has wrought in me: the longevity of my faith, the staying power of my salvation, the way my peace remains in the face of adversity because GOD IS BACKING ME UP AND I KNOW IT. Minister to God WITHIN you, and you will see his works occur without you. You cannot save a damn person, but you can bear witness, learn to recognize the spirit moving in your heart, and a word of deliverance might come forth. If you shout down someone with 'you need Jesus!' or 'You're a coward!' that's okay, it's just not really in line with the word.
Let your mindsets concerning Who God is and How He operates come down, because He was never who I was raised to think He is. He doesn't look that way, he doesn't show up like that, he isn't far-off and his nearness doesn't feel the way it used to or 'should'.
Most people live with earthly wisdom, and give lip-service to God, because they haven't been schooled in the True God (the one with real and powerful Grace, the one who saves, the one who backs us up, and the one who visits us every freaking day but we don't see), because we have many teachers but few Fathers. We are a religion of bastards, brought into the fold by men who wish to see God's kingdom increase by numbers, and then left to fend for ourselves the minute we are born. So we raise ourselves with the words everyone else uses, taking on the judgements and values of everyone around us because if everyone's doing it it should be right. It's safe to say a buzz phrase in the christian world is that 'there's something wrong with Christianity today', so pastors dress young to reach kids, and try new music to get the congregation out of their comfort zones, and buy more lights to attract more people and it all becomes the next big attempt at reaching a God who hasn't changed since the beginning. Psychology isn't the answer, self-help isn't what it's cracked up to be, and marrying a good, christian woman won't save you the way you think it will.
To walk in Christ is to be radical, but not like you think. It's a departure from what you have been living into something that is alien. It effing hurts because it's separation from the identity you have spent 25 years forming. But everything is given back to you. You only Ever have anything to gain because God is working ceaselessly on your behalf. We have turned from our first love, but when you desire to recognize the Lord, do something more than go to church and put your hands up. Seek out those who have him. Spiritual elders who are at peace and those who have the spirit. You know them. They're REAL MEN because they have something, a sound, maybe, that other people don't. Seek the spirit AND truth, because to have one but not the other is a travesty and misses the mark. But nothing is in vain.
I have great hope (expectation) for you, because if you stay the course God will not disappoint you. It's NEVER a pass/fail thing, and God won't EVER reject you, because you are NEVER beyond his reach. You are loved, brother, even when you don't feel it. We simply learn to recognize love as He is, and then we will be like Him. The feeling does go away, because feelings are soulish (earthly) - it's what you do when they fade that shows you where you stand and what you're heart's become, where you can still increase, where you might grow, and if you can testify in Truth in the dry times, you will be the spirit-man you desire to be. If it's just when you're high that you can say 'I love life!', then you don't really love life.
Rockin'.
Letters for Edification II
Excerpts from email of Sept. '10
We talked about each man's walk with God turning to 'bad' things, the unprofitable and wasteful. How from their very formation it would take 'this, this, and this' for them to realize that God is True. Like a class, or a process: first we'll study foundation, then walls, then roof. This, then this, then this, and there's the house. Listen the first time (or the second or third) so you don't need to lay again the foundation of Grace.
I spent yesterday in this weird place where I was super tall, with a vision that encompassed all that God has given me, moving in stewardship over the world God created for me. I saw myself walking up to people and saying 'welcome to my world' in love, finding things upset or off-kilter and saying 'Oh, this is righted because I am steward here - be healed. Tree, be reformed. Mountain be cast into the sea.' This isn't far off. It's in that place, that eternity, that we just slip into when we move behind the veil. I see it just to my left, shift aside the curtains and sidestep into...right where I am. PLACEMENT POWER WIND UNDERSTANDING ORDER VISION HEARING COMING ALONGSIDE WHERE THE FLESH DOESN'T RULE AND BEING FORGIVEN IS THE SOLE OF MY FEET BECAUSE MY HEAD IS UPRAISED AND GOD IS THE GLORY FOREVER AND EVER. I say it's not far off because the disparity between my understanding of the location of eternity and my perception of when I'll understand it is but a small thing.
I see more and more all things on something like a fortune cookie fortune:
We talked about each man's walk with God turning to 'bad' things, the unprofitable and wasteful. How from their very formation it would take 'this, this, and this' for them to realize that God is True. Like a class, or a process: first we'll study foundation, then walls, then roof. This, then this, then this, and there's the house. Listen the first time (or the second or third) so you don't need to lay again the foundation of Grace.
I spent yesterday in this weird place where I was super tall, with a vision that encompassed all that God has given me, moving in stewardship over the world God created for me. I saw myself walking up to people and saying 'welcome to my world' in love, finding things upset or off-kilter and saying 'Oh, this is righted because I am steward here - be healed. Tree, be reformed. Mountain be cast into the sea.' This isn't far off. It's in that place, that eternity, that we just slip into when we move behind the veil. I see it just to my left, shift aside the curtains and sidestep into...right where I am. PLACEMENT POWER WIND UNDERSTANDING ORDER VISION HEARING COMING ALONGSIDE WHERE THE FLESH DOESN'T RULE AND BEING FORGIVEN IS THE SOLE OF MY FEET BECAUSE MY HEAD IS UPRAISED AND GOD IS THE GLORY FOREVER AND EVER. I say it's not far off because the disparity between my understanding of the location of eternity and my perception of when I'll understand it is but a small thing.
I see more and more all things on something like a fortune cookie fortune:
[ eternity/time ]
they're so close together and so far apart - but God is the wrinkle
in time that translates me from one to the other in a shffp! that I only
recognize after it happens though my heart bears witness to its approach.
It was prophesied over me that I'll be so in-tune with God that
everything I desire will be given me; which is purely natural, man. So
organic. That's just the way it is. Of course hitting a certain
frequency will make the birds flock to you; it's a matter of course that
finding who I am and what I was made to be will illuminate everyspark
in this heart with a clarity for pursuit of God's government; why but yes! to
everything my God has proffered.
Clearly, here is a man of faith.
So you, being unremoved and holy, bear witness to the Light of the
World, the one who shines and does not disdain but loves in faith, and fear Him
by reverence this Most Holy God. With trembling, for we understand his
power, we submit all things to the one who has made us and in truth we
ride aloft, a scented wind carrying us to the ends of our very being; he
brings us to that place where we find our insubstantial edges and there we feel the frayed ends of lies and little-t truths; then we dive beyond, willing, obedient, with Joy and
Expectation.
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