Reinvent

Jan '16

It's like i'm trying to reinvent myself, accept this new birthing, but clinging to old habits and self-perceptions: uploading modeling pics, listening to the same music, trying to set out on a new adventure but remaining perpetually in some vague planning stage.

I can find no pleasure in writing, nor purpose. I don't want to watch anything or travel. 
I just want hearts. I want rest and to make things - I wish I knew in what realm. I want my hands to produce smething - sustainable houses, vegetables.
The world has enough plates and mediocre art, enough sentences spoken over and over.

I don't like anything I'm doing.
So change it.
To what.
Well, settle somewhere. Have a regular job?

What do you want.
To stop drinking; to NOT crush or fall in love or blast lusty and be unable or unwilling to do anything with it; w

==i hope to be surprised, always.==
Pull up facebook to find a message that says we want you for such and such feature for this money.
Open email, again, to find some guy saying he got my email from a mutual friend and shouldn't we meet and find out what life is really for?