Flame afire

Blast.

Pressure fire,
the sheep find their bounds and come
a-running to the master when the fire breaks out.
Let me Hear you! I need your comfort!

You've built a receptor into me....Oh.
You've built me as a receptor,
a lightning rod to thrill when you see fit to strike,
when I'll receive.

Orange, yellow, Blue Black centered.
Dancing, Shifting, flame of favor,
dancing light of mine.
Singing, shouting, patient fervor,
waiting, pressed, explosive tested

This grass green is shadowed! What for?!
Mature! Faith is no small thing. It's certainly every one thing.
Wasted. this chute i may explore from side to side, but the past is behind me.
I'm not me the me I was. I'm me the he he's borne.
I felt the weight of everything. The weight of a cross on my shoulders.
Build me up, father. So I can stand. Just stand with you.
Intensify. I ask you. I've not been willing, just wanting.

Today a prayer for offering was given. I was holding my right leg (as in strength; a son is said to be the right leg of his father). I offered up my leg. The very real prayer from my heart was 'I offer this father, my strength for yours. No more burnt offerings from this son, but I willingly give you what I have held and prized." He met me.

the reign, Elohim, of you.
Power, mighty power, all fortitude to break through.
I was falling apart today, my shelter, la pared, crumbling.
to be replaced by something Huge. Magnificando.
My outer self unzipped, the old skin fell to my feet and I stepped from it.
Then my innards roiled and spewed. I yelled and cried and wailed for understanding.
I'm running on a new operating system that is fundamentally different.
How. ? This is why I'm here.
I'm at the keys to write my father on my heart. To find on the wall the destruction of the former and the instruction of the new.
I am bold. Daring, full of love, and caring. I'm undying, this truth revealed. Nothing feared, I am the healed.
i rank among kings, I'm gifted beyond all things.
Magnificence isn't mandatory, it's instilled. Distilled.
Honor isn't gained, it's received and held.

The strength of this is still here.
I drove, sure of his presence, unseeing.
I don't seek you father! I acknowledge you here. You're not removed, a presence.

NOW

Behold Glory made manifest.
I was so close, bridging between my shore and yours. Then I looked down and sank into the water.
This is Chapter 1 of my walk. Deign become you. Take you on. Take on me, take me on.
Providence.

I can't figure my way around the sound of the earth. I declared I'm no judge, but you are. I declare your judgement, that I can judge no man. Challenge, fortitude, strength to take a step into what you will for me. This moment presents your plan before me. I Submit my will to you. I hear. And I'm no longer silenced. I'm not stopped up; I'm unstoppable. I am Quite Able. Quite Capable. Entirely Confident in You because you're greater bigger faster stronger than the enemy. You're smarter, cooler, dreamier, more enchanting than the earth you've created. I love you with my arms, my feet, my heart, my ears, and my soul, the entire vessel  of me submits wholly to you. Neither sleep, or work, nor death, life, nor fish, foul, or bear, nor disappointment, disenchantment, or earthly glories can separate me from the heart of you. Your heart is the center of my being. Of my mind. of my eyes. of my heart. Anywhere i go I go in you, footsteps toward you. Purpose, love enduring.

My Asemic You

New depths now, Papa. In awe. I stand. Shock and awe. You tenderly ignite the fluid of me, my fluid self. I'm a lantern, now. A Fire-man, a man on fire, a sacrifice for the beloved. I AM NOT MY OWN BUT I AM HIS WHO MADE ME. Take me home, love. Or keep me here for a time. I want to be one with you, for this world's got Nothin on you. I love you here, and am loved, because i don't save any of me for anything else.

Clean; Hold On

He told me I was clean,
which was nice,
but didn't quite ring true.
I said okay,
and we hung out and laughed
when I noticed his joy was real.
I saw real compassion in his eyes
when our buddy was having trouble,
and the words of comfort he spoke
were unbiased and beautiful.
I saw he didn't care what he
sounded like when he sang.
He would try and fail at the most foolish of things and our
raucous laughter wouldn't bother him a bit.
When he took on the serious things and succeeded
he wouldn't stand for adoration or praise.
I saw him go undiscouraged in the face of wraith, anger, and dissapointment.
I saw he was unmoved by people around him, but deeply moved by something within him.
I saw him return to this center again and again,
and envied steady balance.
I asked him what he had that I did not.
He replied
'like I said: you're clean.'



    I saw my faith as a fledgling bird, recently hatched, still wet and featherless, and rather than being discouraged I was motivated. Grateful for the place I find myself, proud to have made it here (not by my own strength) and sure that I'm in the perfect place because I'm living out the course of things. I'm in the way; On the way. The road is narrow, sure, but growing as I am in perception, so too does this narrow road. It's an easy dwelling, an easy path. The obstacles we seem to forever fight are just thoughts and methods we've accepted, using them to form our safehouses. We're generally resistant to anything that makes us feel insecure.
    But holding onto anything in a vanishing world, a place of dust and discord, is a vain project from the onset. So I store up my treasures in heaven. What does this mean? How do I earn, take hold of, inherit treasures in heaven? How do I do so on earth? I increase to inherit. By practice, understanding, and the implementation of the life I've heard of, my father sees fit to give me a greater domain. I prove faithful, and am proven faithful, so a deserving receptacle to all good things. So it is in the heavenlies. I implement and practice my patience, my love, my worship. By earthly dedication and sanctification of my time and resources to my father, I have less reserved for me on earth and am showing my father my practice of his works in what I've been given. So I maintain my things, I am aware of my comings and goings, I enrich and build up, I hear and receive, I offer, submit, and relay the words of God to those I'm directed.
I Am, as He Is.
I live, as He lives, and I increase.
The things I store up for myself are a practice in maintaining the heaven of this life.
   I need to be more specific, find more specifics. Indulge me, Father. I seek you. Please pour out on me. Within my heart, in my ears and before my eyes is my spirit. The energetic, ever-motion of light and rumination. A powerful, concordant(?) battery in tune with my father. The spirit doesn't run low;  when I am poor in spirit I get a charge, a tap, from one who Has The Power.
   This battery powers my body, but more than that it powers the Life within me. I can still run on low power, but life is narrow, seca, sucked dry of anything good. It's withered and bare-bones. I'd rather have a tired body and be full of ruminations, be slow and still but on fire inside for the glory and profundity (?) of the works of God.
   So glow. I can do this. I do this. It's my life, moving by the spirit. I can ask for anything I need, I can make the calls I need to make, I can say the things I need to say and be unafraid because What have I to lose? Nahthin.

livingprayer

Aaron, the light bringer, the word of god, wears a diadem upon his forehead that says righteous, so whoever is facing him can remember they're still in right standing with God.
"with my naked eye i saw the pouring rain coming down on me" (Luscious Jackson)
"word of god speak/would you pour down like rain/washing my eyes to see/your majesty" and sovereignty o, father.
your completion and the fruit you bring forth. Beauty, heart and hale from what I call muck.
How can you be so splendorous? you shine and clean. Constantly, consistently, and with care.
we dine, you and i lord, in the nicest restaurants, on the choicest meat and sweetest wine.
we dwell, you and i father, in heavenly places untouched by human hands. 
Holy spirit we rock out. You and me, Me and you together. Inseparable.
Thanks for that.
I was gonna write an apology, but my heart beat me to it. Anyway, we both know we've moved on.
Lord i thought you were a jerk, unsmiling.
I know now all you've ever done is smile upon me  - even in intercession, i know you smile and love on me with grace grace because you know our father is so faithful.
I will trust him also.
And we'll live. in the earth but not of it, reveling and aloof. Here but unmoved. I've been tossed and sunk and lost and given up but you've kept me and I've turned my eyes to you. I've allowed myself into your plan.
But it is you, father. You have done these things. It is you I have loved all along.
You've permitted my distance so that when you closed the gap I would know it.
You allowed me to seek my own salvation, to run to the depths of hell in delusion, so that when you brought me out, I would know.
Your light doesn't shine on darkness, your light shines out of darkness: my very turmoil is my sanctification.
I could not know this until you made it clear, removed the veil and opened my eyes.
your wonderful gifts father-for order, peace, and understanding. I praise you and thank you for my growth.
My peace, o lord, in you. In you eternally I am.
You call me good. You made me perfect. I see I'm impure, broken, and unfinished. I try to fix myself, but I simply cannot. It is impossible. I call my thoughts my own, my behaviour me when they are what I have received; the products of this earth-bound world.
I am the healed. I am humble I take no place that is not mine. I am easily pierced.
called to love and called to fellowship. I offer of myself no sacrifice - but Offerings.
No performance, no obligation has a hold on me. Because I obey the spirit in me and run to council in the midst of confusion - the mountains from the fog.
I struggled with giants for so long forever unable to overcome. I haven't the power. But I found you. or the other way around. I can't tell now.
and you taught me to stand my ground. And with a word they have fallen. With my eyes fixed elsewhere, my fears are laid waste. They feed on attention, grow larger, closer, consuming. and now?
they're nothing. I do not fret the morrow for out there I cannot dwell - that is futile.
All these words are true.
but they must be shown or they are empty.
and here a physical location. My eyes are opened and unclouded. My head is up, my back erect. My feet step forward onto ground, less real, more sure. Nothing here can make me stumble. I face these giants but pay them no heed - I look over them, past above and keep my focus there.
I stand assured with sword and shield, brothers beside me. And together there is nothing we cannot overcome.

Written Jun12,2009

Certain Life

   In the garden of bliss, where trees of lightning stand next to rivers of light and wild creatures are found true to form, I walk. I love this garden. It is bountiful, strong, smells divine; it holds a love of life and living you can feel.
   There's a certain tree in the heart of it, a most precious tree where I live. When you need me , when you want me, I'll be there and will love all over you. You can always find me here, I Promise.
   But it's a special tree, a tree of clarity, unity, and perfection, so if your heart or mind is getting the better of you when you come looking for me the tree will change. It will glitter and you will be met by one who looks just like me. He will tell you what you want to hear and he will give you the delicious fruit of the glitter tree. This fruit will take you far from the garden, far from me, though I won't be far from you.
   You will find yourself in the wilderness, a land that looks promising but is eternally on the brink of destruction. You will remain there for as long as you want because everything you want is yours for your good or for your ill. Once you determine what you truly desire, you can find me at my tree. But, please! don't be afraid to approach me; Oh, how I love you! Know that I will never, ever turn my back on you, but it's your own lust that will lead you astray.
   My boy, not all that glitters is gold.

Beginning To

I'm beginning to face,
(the part that turns)
beginning to face
the outer courts from the inner,
my home.
I glow, gold and bright blue,
Royal purple, and white -
all colors and so glory
in all of me.


I'm beginning to see
the truth and glory
of friction as perfection,
the recognition of pain,
frustration, anger, and fear
as particles just under the skin,
taken in, now passing.
This cleansing
my mind
be purified


i'm beginning to run
a race before the sun
for the prize, the glorious prize
every step and moment bring me to
that cup i desire, my lungs are on fire
but the prize, the glorious prize
for which i take no thought
of frustration, dread, and blood
because the prize, the glorious prize
before me the healing waters, the well,
the earnest expectation of that fulfilling
i could not find any place, oh, the places i've looked
for the prize, the glorious prize.


Seek my face, boy!
You've been in such pain;
just listen.
My love, you,
for you; yours.
Strength and security
not in the world
but in truth,
apart from the petty cares
of tomorrow.

Close Encounters

Pop? What am I good for if it doesn't manifest in this life?

What are you looking at? How do you think it will appear?

Well, comparing myself with Ashley and her army buddies, I'd have nothing - Strength, confidence, problem solving abilities, courage? I haven't seen anything like that in me. So I want to show off my spiritualness: "Oh yeah? Well, you did this, this, and this, and watch this! *fire and ice show* I know right? Cool. See, I'm awesome." Whatever....... I only say that because I don't know how to resolve the thought.

I work.

If it's just you and me, what do I do? As me, for you, just cuz...? I'm still casting about for purpose.

You don't need to impress me - I already know you: skills, talents, knowledge. I made you 5'8 3/4 to hold everything you have, and that vessel is holding well. But I promise you, Hans, what's coming, what's for you, is exactly your heart, your need. I love you so much and walk with you as you desire to walk with me. I'm here, love. Rest. You think you need strength - I've fortified your heart. You want to be intelligent -you know how to hear. You want to think outside the box - pay attention to me! Let's build together; anything, all things. Break it apart and start again. Reform, retry, recreate until we're satisfied.

What about people? I want them and deny them. How do I go where you would have me, when I consider so many ideas and small things important?

You'll know. Clear your head and lean on me. Hear my voice.

I want languages. I love speaking them - the alternatives to the things I know - their counterparts. Do I want to impress? Not really, not in this. I want to BE and LIVE as much with my English brethren as the Spanish, French, Norwegian...My tongue! Pop, I praise you, and these sounds roll and roll out of me until I Must say something my head can understand or prove, and the moment I do I think my words are small and impotent, always about what I know, and whining about what I want. But you, God, you have and give and serve. So I'm thankful. I am thankful. Sovereign and thankful. You didn't mess up anywhere.

Same for you.

...thanks. I'm afraid to ask for what I want. I don't know what I want, but I feel I've got to ask for something, so I ask for everything and don't expect any of it. I want the Wisdom of Solomon, but right now, spiritually imparted. BAM. What he must have walked through! What about Elisha?... What is valuable? Is it spiritual gifts? (tongues, prophecy, songs, interpretation of tongues) or wisdom? (practicalities of comings and goings for peace's sake) or giving/ a heart of charity? ... Love. I've been growing in love, and grace, but am waylayed when I consider I'm going the wrong way.

I'm still here with you.

I know, but...

Hans, your blood is of a rare breed. You are something special. I made you to show the world my glory, because I'm the light. Be the light. Take on the light and be made new by it. You are beautiful and perfect, but more than that you are a chosen vessel. Don't be self conscious or insecure - what are you but mine? You speak what I've spoken. I love your songs, by the way.

Ha. Thanks, dad.

For sure. You're coming closer to me and I love it. Please draw more near so I might be more near! I've made plans for you and you're walking right into them.

Can you give me any direction?

Keep writing.

Well, that's encouraging.

Wait till you see what it produces.

... I can't wait to be with you. I know you're now, but...the flesh...I think I'm different from other people because we each have our own bodies. Can I cross that boundary into fellowship? Reach the pool of spirit where we can all gather? And please, please settle me concerning marriage, even if it changes later.

The flesh is for the eyes, it's for sacrifice, to judge, condemn, lose and loose. It's a complete picture and manifestation of all of me - the gifts, the balance, the symmetry. Live in me and receive all of it unto fellowship. And you don't need a wife at this time, so be settled. You aren't missing anything, promise.

Thank you.

Anytime.

Unleash the Elephant

My sin
His song
my vice
his vision
my life
his love
my work
his walk
my small
his smile
my pride
his proud


turn
return
create again and again
play on a playground
recreate re-create
join hands, form bonds
sing songs of trust
fellowship flagship
of love -
this creative shipwright
has some big ideas